You know you’ve entered the state of Florida when you see two things while loitering the highways. For the 12 of you who have never navigated the Sunshine State, it’s not palm trees and ocean views I’m speaking of.
I’m talking about the famous, We Bare All – Café Risqué. You’ll see the billboard advertisements from coast to coast endorsing “Topless Fun”, “Trucker Parking in Rear, Discounts, and Showers”, and we can’t forget their “24 HR Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner Buffet”.
Yes, my foreign flock, flip-flop’s are all we require here in the land of sun and sand.
Another clue you’ve arrived in my native state are the Silver Alerts. No, I didn’t say Amber Alert, I said Silver. If this term is unfamiliar, let me explain.
A Silver Alert is a public notification you’ll regularly see posted on highway message signs about missing persons – usually a senior citizen with dementia. Basically, Dad decided to say, “Screw it!”, took off in the Buick, forgot who and where the hell he was, and is now cruising – Florida!
While the family is a nervous wreck and needs the public’s help to find him, Dad has found his way to Café Risqué and the “Early Bird Buffet.” At this point, Dad doesn’t care who he is, he believes he’s died and gone to Heaven.
So, my fellow highway hindrance’s, when you see a billboard advertising, We Bare All, or you are notified of a Silver Alert: 2009, white Buick, FL Tag# OUTA HRE, don’t fret. This is just our way of saying, “Welcome to Florida”.