“You need to get practical. Fairytales and falling in love isn’t realistic at your age. You’re getting too old for all that, and it is time to get serious before it’s too late.” “For Christ sakes, Daddy, she’s only 30!” my mother said in defense of my grandfather’s heinous spiel.
My love life, or lack thereof, had been the topic of discussion over countless meals with my family. As my grandfather sat across from me, muddled and unsuccessfully explaining what he meant to say, I drifted back to only a year ago when I had spoke about my desire of marriage and children. And he, HE told me I was too young to be thinking about all that nonsense; I had plenty of time! I should’ve realized then. After all, this is the same man who insisted my chubbiness was just “baby fat” – at 30! I promise you, it is NOT baby fat any longer.
That was almost ten years ago, and though not much has changed, I have changed. The anxiety experienced as an unmarried, childless woman has been overwhelming. For all you attached readers, let me be the first to explain what it’s like to walk in my size 6 Jimmy Choo’s. (Okay, so it’s more like size 7 New Balances, but that’s besides the point.)
Today, society says it’s acceptable to be a strong, independent, single woman – well I call bullshit! Maybe if you have a limp or you drool, but if you are smart, attractive, and breathing, you are a societal enigma. I’d like to see a survey from a reliable source confirming tolerance, because I am sick of being asked offensive questions: “Are you married?” If I’m not married then: “Are you seeing anyone?” If I’m not seeing anyone then: “She must be a lesbian.”
There is nothing wrong with me, you can’t typify me or put me in a box, yet there’s an undeniable stigma attached to my single status and therefore, overall happiness. He’s a good catch, stop being so picky, and give the guy a chance; you never know. These are just some of the comments regurgitated to me. Is that what happiness is – marriage and children? Am I not fulfilling my legacy as a woman by shunning my natural obligations?
I had to reimagine my life after Prince Charming failed to show up on his white horse. Now that my eggs have almost expired, and I have yet to put my “big breeding hips” to good use, the likelihood of not being a biological “Mommy” has been difficult to accept. I resigned myself to the reality that my niece will most likely get married and have babies before me. At this rate, so will Caitlyn Jenner.
Mourning the loss of my unborn children, I find strength in women who never wanted the title in the first place, and their full, limitless lives. I feel liberated and inundated with endless possibilities. I don’t believe in fairytales, but I do believe in superheroes and I’m ready to kick ass! So, don’t judge me or my worth by the suit standing next to me; focus on me. Why do you think it takes someone else to make me whole when I feel complete? I’ll buy my ticket in the marriage lottery, but when I do the stakes won’t be so high because I’ve taken this time to learn me. And by the way, I am happy!
If you really want to know who I am, watch me, because I lead by example. Hear me, because my voice is wise and honest and I speak loud and clear. Touch me and feel my strength. Know my heart is brave; my love – pure and unconditional. Hold on, because I am a catch, and I need no one to be relevant. I am a daughter, a sister, an Aunt, a friend. I laugh, I cry, I stand tall – at 5 feet, 3 inches high. I am a woman, I am not just one thing; don’t label me. I am HER, I am SHE, I am US, I am WE – but you may call me Lee.